I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
