i will never coherently bang her
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
vagina is talking i cant
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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