So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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