Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
