I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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