why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
