Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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