The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
