Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
