Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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