ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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