I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
where am i from again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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