I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize