i think my tv is drunk
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!