He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude