I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room