I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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