it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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