my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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