And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You can't just leave with hair like that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
