I just saw a hot homeless man
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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