if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
