I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
