I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
