Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
