dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
