I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
