She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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