girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
