Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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