i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
