the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
