There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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