I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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