You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
