every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
