walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
