dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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