I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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