Will you blow on my dice?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
