I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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