You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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