I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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