good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
