Kiss
Puke
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
