I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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