My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
