Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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