So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there is glitter all over my balls
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