dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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