and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Boobs are out for the taking
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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