you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
