What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
