It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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