this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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