I'm going to jail i love you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride