I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher