Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...