Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
