What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
