So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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