what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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