Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
